Saturday, March 8, 2008

CMW - Day 2

The word 'drunk' is thrown around a lot. I'm not saying that I necessarily have a patent on the word, or something strange to that nature.... I guess, I'm just saying. If that sentence doesn't make any sense to you, it's because is 2 in the afternoon, and yes, I'm actually still kinda drunk.

Ok, here's what I think happened:

-I drank half a 40 of Jameson with my friend Ben
-Rock and Roll ensued

Let's dig a little deeper, shall we?

I showed up at the Horseshoe just as Hollerado was starting their set. The Tib ladies gave me shit because they thought I looked like a fanboy, hooting and hollering for the Hollerado gents. Fact is, they deserve it all. I love this band, and I love them even more on a good night. Their live show is only matched by their fucking hilarious stage banter. My 'nickel of the night' goes to Menno for trying to give some dude in the audience his beer, and then bitching him out when he failed to catch it. The music is catchy, the boys are witty, the energy is incredible, all of the problems with tuning and monitors from the last show at Barfly were gone and shit was just good.

What happens when you catch Hollerado on an 'on' night? Fucking Gold.

The moment the set was finished, I was out the door like a fucking banshee. I literally ran 4 blocks to make it back to the Tattoo, where I entered and prepared for humiliation. Standing in the same spot as the night before, the gorgeous waitress immediately recognized me. She gave a giggle, and without even questioning said, "I'll be right back." She promptly returned with my mastercard and I was sure to leave her a hefty 50% tip. Also while there, I heard 1 song from the Painted Birds and true story... it was pretty damned good. I would have stuck around if my brain wasn't in autonomous mode.

But fuck that, back to the Horse. Arkells were next on the stage. I knew nothing about them before, and here is my conclusion; solid fucking band. They were a 5 piece, with 3 guitars, which was pretty awesome. They wrote the kind of catchy, oldschool music that both me and my father could enjoy. I'm not saying they were a band which grabbed me out of nowhere and made me a true believer, but they were a hell of a sight better than a lot of bands I've seen live. One thing which I can't praise enough is that they legitimately looked like they were having fun on stage. A band simply needs to enjoy music, and I can respect that on so many levels. Oh, and there was a harmonica.

Holy fuck I need to stop drinking.

Now I get to be a prick and say, "I told you so." Winnipeg's Inward Eye took the stage around 11pm and minds were blown. What I knew of this band was that they were tight, catchy, drunk, loud and Manitoban. What I didn't realize until last night is that these guys are fucking rock stars. Their bass is also the lead singer, which means the guitarist is free to roam the stage like a possessed madman. He alone was worth the price of admission. Add to that the fact that the drummer was like a human incarnation of the muppets' animal, and throw in a dash of quasi-punk bass & vocals... yeee haww. Their bassist looked a lot like my cousin Chris too, which was weird. Oh, and did I mention these guys drank a fuckload of whiskey too?

But not as much as me!

Danko Jones' sweat gives women orgasms. Danko Jones is consulted on what fragrances should be used for Axe body spray. Danko Jones does not have sex, he fucks. Danko Jones makes love to a guitar better than you could ever make love to a woman. Danko Jones is rock and roll. Danko Jones deserves to fuck your girlfriend, and you don't.

Danko Jones was exactly what I expected. He was the most intense man I have ever seen on a stage. He grabs an audience by the throat and says, "you WILL rock with me." The man had a full house at his knees. He could have insighted a riot with one word if he wished. He fucking hates bullshit indie music, labels, and long walks on the beach. The sweat which drips from his face is worth more than your life. Danko Jones is rock and roll. Danko Jones is rock and roll.

Oh yeah, and his music kicks ass too.

Ok, seriously, I need to get through this last review and sober up.

Last band I remember, at least partially was Hey Rosetta! Ever since Andrea introduced these fine Newfies to me, I've been all about them, and I am glad I was finally able to see them live. With Danko Jones being God and all, they had a tricky act to follow, but were able to put on a show that would turn some heads and bob some others.

There should not be a sentence break here, but I am really in need of more whiskey.

I want to tell you more about HR, but I really need to stop typing soon. That and I want to tell you a story. AND I kinda forget half their set. But they're awesome... seriously, check it out.

Ok, this is where the night gets funny.

I'm ready to leave. Suddenly we find some of the Tib boys jawing it up at the bar. Suddenly I'm drinking again. The Horseshoe had an extended liquor license because of CMW, and I'm pretty sure I stayed till close. I met some shady characters at close who had the great idea of wanting to drink more.

I liked that idea.

It's 5:30am, and I'm in a house where I don't know where I am. I've already forgotten the names of all of the people I was with. Then, as though things couldn't get any worse, they fed me tequila. While I was drunk, I kept my sense of nobility and 'friendly Manitoban' lifestyle. Around 6ish, I noticed some dude was about to blow chunks, so as though I was straight from the matrix, I grabbed a garbage can from under a desk and had it under his mouth just as the man exploded.

I woke up this morning on an L section couch with 3 girls and another dude. I'd love to try to make that situation sound sexy, but in all honesty only one of the girls was hot, and I think she slept smelling my feet for most of the night. For future reference, a chubby girl's shoulder makes a very good pillow. I suppose it helps when you've drank more booze than Jesus.

Fuck Danko Jones, I am rock and roll. Now pour me another God damned drink.